Relating in the Light I: The Great Discovery

Relating in the Light I: The Great Discovery

By Kurai Chitima

Every young person does feel butterflies, ice or ants at one stage or other. A young man proposed to a girl and the girl said yes immediately.  The young man froze and did not know what to do next.  One hopes he did not apologize or say something like – ‘really?’ Such is part of the adventure on the road to marriage.   The journey is enjoyable yet fraught with danger.  This is first in a series of  four sets of outlines that  provide guidance on how best to conduct this very important relationship to avoid pitfalls and maximize the joys. 

I. Why Find a Life Partner?

Common Inadequate Reasons

Sexual intimacy as the main motive

To raise children as a major reason

To populate earth

To have a Director/House maid

To have someone to provide joy and peace

Out of pity for someone

For commercial or social gain

Because one is growing old and has to find   someone

Because everyone else is getting married

To please someone else (parents, pastor, etc)

Biblical Reasons

To enjoy mutual love and intimate companionship[1]

To be a team to serve and contribute to kingdom and society 

Because marriage is honorable[2]

To raise godly children

To glorify God[3]

II. When should one choose a life Partner?

When one is mature and has a clear sense of direction for life. It is also wise to establish a credible means of earning income before rushing into marriage. This indicator is essential for the man who will carry the primary responsibility to roof, feed and fend the family.

III. How long should a premarital Relationship Be?

Long enough to learn to know each other better

Long enough to think and pray through as much as possible of likely problems/challenges or opportunities

Long enough for as many people as possible (relatives, friends, etc) to know about the relationship

Short enough to promote honor and purity

Short enough to avoid major changes in lives of the two partners

long enough to allow enough time for either to reflect on their decision and change minds if they should

Short enough not to gather a drifting syndrome

IV How To Be Sure?

Settle two questions in your heart about yourself

What am I living for?[4]

What am I desiring to get into?  Embrace the solemness and binding nature of marriage

V. What To Look For?

Look out for character/godliness, same values, direction/focus. compatibility of vision/mission.  not just outward.  Is it someone you can happily submit to.

cautious with vast age, income, height, backgrounds, cultures, education

V. What to Do?

Pray fervently about  transition to career/ministry and marriage[5]

Prepare diligently for  transition to career and marriage

Delight Yourself in the Lord[6]

Develop healthy relationships. You will marry from your networks of relationships.

Pursue your life goals

Wait for God[7]

instead of looking for right person make self right person

Notes by Dr. Kurai Chitima.

Faith Ministries – Johannesburg Faith Life Center.

First Floor Dhando House,

66 Eloff Street Extension,

Village Deep,

Johannesburg,

South Africa 

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[1] Genesis 2:20, 24

[2] 1 Corinthians 7:2, 9; Proverbs 18:22; Hebrews 13:4

[3] 1 Corinthians 7:29; 10:31

[4] Mathew 6:33; II Timothy 4:13, John 17:4

[5] Philippians 4:6

[6] Psalms 37:4, 5

[7] Isaiah 40:31

Choosing a Life Partner

Choosing a Life Partner

Fragmentation and virtualization of communities are increasingly resulting in the shrinking of natural environments where young people can positively interact.  

Another characteristic of the times is a shunning of lasting relationships that come with commitment. Young people want benefits without responsibility. They want relationships but no marriage.

Despite the challenges faced by young people today the best is still to trust God for the right marriage partner. It is still to relate with the intention and patience to nurture the relationship towards marriage.

What can a young person who is ready for marriage do to connect with the right person?

A. Believe.

Proverbs 3:5-7. Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.  Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil. 

Psalm 37:4-5 Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.  Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass. 

Resist pressure to rush into anything that surfaces and refuse to become desperate because it seems time is going or because peers are getting married and settling in their families. It is never too late. In his time he makes all things beautiful. Delight in the Lord and trust Him. He cares for the sparrows. God provides for them and protects them. You are of more value than the sparrows. As God brought Eve and Adam to each other he will do for you.

B. Prepare.

Prepare the land then build the house (Proverbs 24:27). Prepare yourself to be the right spouse instead of preoccupation with searching for Mr or Ms right. The following foundation qualities for a lasting marriage are the areas a prospective spouse should prepare in.

>>Values/beliefs. Clarify and build your values. Shared values make a  strong foundation for marriage. A believer in the Lord should marry a believer in the lord (1 Corinthians 6:14). The fundamental purpose of marriage is to glorify God and to be partners in serving him. 

>>Direction/dream. Clarify your life direction and purpose.  Don't wait for a spouse but he or she will find you busy developing yourself and pursuing your goals.  How can two walk together unless they agree on values and direction? Don't do something about your singleness before doing something with your singleness. Ruth was busy when Boaz noticed. Her serving revealed a beauty that posing for a photo shoot cannot bring out.

>> Practice being a loving person. Learn to care and love. Marriage is about committing to loving and caring for someone unconditionally for life. The foundation of marriage is selfless love between two people of the opposite sex. Learn to respect, submit and forgive others as fitting. 

>>Character formation. Marriage requires physical maturity. Furthermore, emotional and spiritual maturity strengthen a marriage. For example, grow in faith, in being self-controlled, patient, kind, and trustworthy. Can you be trusted to keep your word and promise.

>>Readiness. Don't just be sentimental (head over heels) but be practical. Are you ready to take responsibility for each other/money, earnings, house, etc? Develop financial means. Have a credible plan and process to fend, feed and find your life. Don’t over dwell on current status but see beyond based on the potential and practices of the person and the two of you.  Prepare to be viably interdependent and together independent. This is especially so for the man who biblically is the bred winner. However wisdom requires that joint capacity be in place for the wife is helper. Also if one spouse were not available the other should still be able to stand and provide for the children. Ask what would happen to the remaining spouse and the children should one spouse be removed from the scene.

>>Affinity/friends. Practice affinity participation and friendships. A marriage is stronger where affinities between spouses, as well as mutual or non-repelling/non diametrically opposed interests, exist. Interests may differ but they ought to be complementary, or supplementary. A spouse may have a differing interest e.g. in career but each should be able to share and support interest in the other’s interests.

C. Evaluate.

What you expect in a good spouse is what you prepare in yourself. Why would you want great qualities in the other when you are not developing great qualities in yourself? Ask God. When he came through for Adam, Adam did some evaluation and concluded that Eve was bone of his bones. Good enough to leave his father and mother for, if he had some. Love is not blind but it settles for what it sees and knows. In the madness of love be sober and do your homework by observation, communicating and listening to what credible people who know the person better have to say. Consider the counsel and guidance of parents and accountability/spiritual authority. Look out for the areas listed in B. Is the person transparent and trustworthy? Have they opened up with their health, debts and other relevant history? Does the person love enough to wait sexual intimacy until marriage? Are your values and direction compatible? Is there traction, an affinity and friendship between you? What is God saying to your heart? Do you have God's peace about the relationship? Get involved in non-sexual activities together, learn about family background

Take aspects listed in B. as indicators of compatibility and on them seek agreement or match. However there are other differences such as age, income levels, personality, background, physical features e.g. who is taller. Such difference don’t point to compatibility but should however be taken note of as areas for potential manageable threats to oneness.

D. Engage.

Seek and serve God first (Mathew 6:33). Get involved in the business of the Lord. Live your life and go about your business. Make your request known to God (Philippians 4:6. Look and present yourself well. Do your part.  As Moses learnt before the red sea, there is time to pray and time to stretch your rod. 

Walk in accountability to mutual authority and seek to understand each other and to see a prosperous future together. The courtship should be short enough e.g. for purity’s sake and long enough e.g. for necessary preparations.

Don’t marry the person you think you can live with. Marry the one you can’t live without. - P.C.Mathew and Ciby M

Learn and seek whatever help you need. Undergo proper premarital counselling before marriage.

Message by Dr. Kurai Chitima.

Faith Ministries – Johannesburg Faith Life Center.

First Floor Dhando House,

66 Eloff Street Extension,

Village Deep,

Johannesburg,

South Africa  

Dynamite in the Heart

Dynamite in the House

FMUK Youth Explosion Message – Dr. K. Chitima

Preliminaries

Prophetic: What an awesome time! There is dynamite in the heart. There is great potential in the house. Something powerful is happening. God has invested vast wealth in each person. God has deposited something special in your life. The future is great. God is saying the future is bright. It is so bright you need eyeshades.  You maybe seeing storms around your life. You may be discouraged. You are losing hope. He has a destiny you can not even imagine. God is saying revise the dream you have. Our God is able to do exceeding beyond what you think or ask. God is in the business of transforming lives and delivering solutions.

Teasers:

Shortest person in Bible:  Bildad the Shoe hite (Job 8:1).

Tallest person: I is higher (Isaiah).

First car: God drove Adam and Even out of the garden of Eden (Genesis 3)

Exercise: Pieces of paper. a) Write the main thing grabbing your heart/mind an issue in any area of life.  b) Write your desire for it and support with a scripture c) A barrier or a fear concerning it. d) Ask God in prayer. e) Give thanks to God for the answer to your prayer. Put a tick on b), cross out c) and shout, dance in celebration. f) Keep paper somewhere for as long as feel necessary and daily thank God for the answer. Thank him for victory over all barriers.

MESSAGE: Dynamite in the House

I have written  unto you , fathers , because  ye have known  him that is from  the beginning . I have written  unto you , young men , because ye are  strong , and  the word  of God  abideth  in you , and  ye have overcome the wicked one ... 1 John 2:14

1) You are strong.  I write to you because you are strong. The sky is the limit. You are strong in physically, passion, energy, options, determination, socially and spiritually. You have great potential. Dynamo is power that needs to be detonated or released. Being strong however is not very helpful unless there is direction. Dynamism without direction is dangerous. Purpose determines the use to which you put your strength. You are fearfully and wonderfully made for God. You are made in image of God (Imago Dei)

2) You have the word of God. The Word is in you. Psalm 1:1-5, Josh 1:8.

The word is the source of eternal power. The source of life and peace. The source of answers to all problems. It is the source of wisdom. You don’t need to wait for age to be wise. Sometimes age comes alone. More word the more of his virtues and attributes. More word more power. Word intake is investing treasure and strength in your life.  Psalm 119:9, 11. The secret of Gods power is his word. With it he made the heavens and the earth. Grab and run with this secret on your journey of life.

3) You have overcome.

The postmodern 21st Century trends and traps are not easy and require a people of strength to overcome. Things are not easy for 21st Century young people. They suffer from information overload. Certain things previous generations were protected from until much later in life but now postmodern young people with cell phones can access any information. To make it worse, things are changing at a fast rate and there is less predictability. There is need for guidance. Way back choices were simpler. These are days of equal but complex opportunity.

These are times of hybrid and multi cultures. Cross-cultural skills have become a vital survival need. Despite the increased population, social group integration and social networking, many are lonely. Many are disconnected. People are looking for authenticity in a cosmetic world where everyone is acting out something. You are not sure of people’s intentions. Open your heart and its cut to shreds. These are times when many are not even sure if they are a boy or a girl. These are times when you can buy almost anything except life and peace. You can even buy a new face. You do not have to be stuck with anything including a spouse. Trends are against those who want to stand for righteousness. Despite all the challenges, you have overcome. Believe you are strong. You are able anywhere anytime.

a) The greatest threat to human race. Is not climatic change and global warming. Is not nuclear threat. Is not extinction of natural species. Is not the next world war. Is not risk of exhaustion of non renewable resources. Is not instability of markets. Is not fears of food insecurity is not the greatest threat. The greatest threat is not energy shortages. The greatest threat is moral erosion or break down. When what is right has become an individual determination then nothing is still right and nothing is wrong. What a source of confusion. Forsaking God’s righteousness. Holding on to your standing in the place of righteousness in Christ. Without godly moral standards you will destroy yourself and others. Righteousness exalts a people sin  is a reproach  to any people (Proverbs 13:34). Many use their wealth and education to destroy themselves. Following Christ is the cool thing. Righteousness will lift you up and protect you. Righteousness is filling yourself with Gods word. Focus on your strength not your sin and weakness. Whatever you focus on you empower.

Many in 21st C have adopted a way of thinking which pushes God aside but leaves no basis for right or wrong, and purpose and meaning. When God is displaced from the center a moral vacuum is created. Wherever a moral vacuum is created moral confusion arises. Resultantly many are distracted, disconnected, discontented and purposeless but they will not easily acknowledge it. You need a reliable basis for making choices about where to go, do, say, etc.  Despite post modern sophistication and technological and knowledge advancement disrespect for human dignity and life is increasing. Human abuse, trafficking and sex slavery is on the rise. Its time to come back to God. The summary of the word of God is Jesus Christ. Jesus is the hope of the world. Build your hope in nothing less than Jesus and his righteousness. He restores the moral campus of the word of God to navigate the maze of life. 

I watched part of the Scotland ‘T in the Park’ annual weekend music festival on TV. The thousands of young people enjoying music in the summer weather attracted me.  They were standing throughout in the open full of passion and dancing. Some barely dressed up. Others wore no shirts. They wore all kinds of dress, hairstyles, hats, colors and eyeshades. Some carried food packs in their hands and each other on shoulders before a massive stage filtering smoke out. The sound was loud, the lights flashing and giant screens were on display. Flags were in the sky and the musicians screamed, sweat and spat it out. As the audience sang along it was a real voice of a multitude. Some were there to maintain security and order.

I thought of somebody living that place. After all the excitement they feel despite all the hype they were still lonely. What do you retreat to. Many people recognize that they are leading a rotten life. They see their lives as broken down, full of cynicism, full of lust. They wander if they will be this way forever. They are looking for answers. They see themselves often as stuck and unable to shake off some habit or relational problem. Anything you cannot get rid of is an addiction. The more distinct you are the more you are able to inspire hope.

b) The greatest promise is ‘I will be with you’ (Hebrews 13:5). God has promised his presence and never to leave you or forsaken you. That promised is what assured Moses, Gideon and many others. If God is with you setbacks set the stage for comebacks. Even when you are on you own. Even a mother can forsake her child but God will never forsake you. That is means his love, his peace, his gold all his power, all his life is with you. He owns the whole world and its fullness.

c) The greatest privilege is to  be able to ask whatever in Jesus’  name (John 15:16). Asking is the way to access the resources of God that are in his presence.  Do not be like the boy who was asked to move a boulder and could not. The father asked him to try again with all his strength. Still he failed until he gave up. The father reminded the boy he had not used all his strength because he had not asked him to help. God is the overwhelming part of your strength. In fact God is the strength you have. Make good use of it. Trust in God whatever transitions you are going through… to high school, to College, to career, to marriage, or to a new place.

Sexually Inactive but Enjoying Life

Sexually Inactive but Enjoying Life

By Kurai Chitima

‘How shall a young person keep his/her way pure?’ This question is perhaps more pressing today than when David raised it[1]. Imagine a group of people who see no evil, hear no evil, think no evil, speak no evil and do no evil. Such a group ends in your mind the reality is different. Advances in information technology have made sex exposure possible on demand by anyone with access to gadgets such as cell phones. Censorship programs have virtually been made redundant. Young people are overwhelmed with varied views on sexual conduct.  Some views are wonderful but a lot are weird. Confusion also comes from the fact that societal heroes and elders do not always model values taught to young people. The biblical view on the subject has a great opportunity and must be heard. Often what we hesitate to talk about is what causes the greatest damage if not said. The whole truth must be brought out in order to achieve freedom[2] and avert free doom. The truth is that it is possible to enjoy life righteously. This is how you can do it:

-          REJECT the lie that everyone else is involved in sex outside marriage.  You are not alone[3]. Many God fearing and principled people are not involved.

-          REVERSE peer pressure. Do not just resist or become a victim of peer pressure. Take your values to your peers.

-          RESPECT yourself and others. A person who really loves you will respect you to wait. Indulging does not strengthen your relationship or prove you love or are loved[4]. Many are hurt and wounded because they opened up to someone only to be abused and dumped.

-          RELATE well with others. Develop healthy relationships that will in due time lead to marriage[5].

-          REMEMBER who you are[6]. You can say NO[7].  It is not true that you cannot help it.

-          RESTRAIN your desires by wisdom[8] and bring sexual passions under control.  Set boundaries for yourself.

o       Avoid things/situations that expose you to temptation or entrapment. This includes certain places, books, music, movies, websites, etc.  Flee youthful lusts. Set godly boundaries for yourselves[9].

o       Understand gender differences and effect. Getting too emotional and physically close to someone of the opposite sex, and being in closed up or isolated places together have implications. The way you present yourself – e.g dressing, and sitting, can affect you and others on upholding moral standards.

o       Develop social networks that influence you positively. Bad company corrupts good morals.

o       Have life goals you passionately pursue. Without vision, you lack restrain. As the traditional saying goes, an idle mind is the devils workshop.

o       Do not trust yourself[10]. Let him who thinks he stands take hid lest he falls

o       Have godly people close to you who can hold you accountable in this area. Receive godly advice from parents and mentors. Without accountability, there is no discipline.

o       Manage properly your physical wellness, eating habits, and whatever affects your self-control.

o       Think consequences. There are eternal as well as earthly consequences for sexual misconduct. Risky behavior in this area puts your life in the line of danger for no cause. It is a major derailer of personal dreams and contributions to society. It also is a source of mistrust and other marital problems in future. It hinders ability to walk in the fullness of God’s love and purpose.

-          REFUSE to be conformed to unbiblical patterns. Be richly indwelt by the word of God[11]. The word builds your faith and spiritual strength to overcome. Be quick to turn from tempting thoughts before they develop roots and germinate as sinful behavior. Trust God’s intentions[12]. His rules are for your protection. 

Please comment below or email feedback.

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[1] Psalm 119:9-11

[2] John 8:32

[3] 1 Kings 19:10, 18

[4] 2 Samuel 13:14, 15

[5] 1 Corinthians 7:2

[6] www.spform.blogspot.com/2012/10/who-am-i-new-identity-in-christ.html

[7] Romans 6:11, Titus 2:11-12; 2 Corinthians 5: 10, 17

[8] James 1:5, Proverbs 1; 2:10-22

[9] Genesis 39:12, 1 Corinthians 6:18, 1 Timothy 6:11; 2 Timothy 2:22

[10] Galatians 6:1-2

[11] Romans 12:1-2; Colossians 3:16; Matthew 4:4

[12] Jeremiah 29:1

[13] 1 Corinthians 6:9-10

[14] 1 John 1:9; 2:1